Internet Pie

I call this one Internet Pie because, like the internet, it takes a lot of steps to make it work! LOL! But also like the internet it is delicious and fun to share with friends and co-workers. Mine love it when I send over slices to their cubicles while they're workin' hard. Like a FWD full of kitten pictures, it always brightens up a bad day.

Ingredients
Crust:
-- 5-6 Fruit Roll-Ups, depending on the size of your pie pan
-- 1 1/2 cups crushed graham cracker crumbs (if you can make your own you'll need about 16 -- graham crackers)
-- 1/3 cup white sugar
-- 1/8 tbsp salt
-- 1/2 teaspoon ground cardamom
-- 6 tablespoons butter

Filling:
-- 1 pkg vanilla pudding
-- 3 tbsp Chocolate Nesquik powder
2 tbsp Strawberry Nesquik powder
-- 1 1/2 cups marshmallow fluff
-- 1 1/2 cups of milk, plus 1/4 cup milk

Topping:
-- 5 Jolly Ranchers
-- 12 Gummi Bears
-- 1 tbsp orange zest

Directions

• Begin by making the crust: Combine graham cracker crumbs, sugar, cardamom, and salt and stir until well mixed.
• Gently melt butter in a microwave-safe bowl, then slowly add to your crumb mixture.
• When everything is evenly incorporated, pour into a pie pan and use gentle pressure to smooth out the mixture until it evenly conforms to the pan. It's easiest if you use your hands; getting prissy with a spatula is going to lead to a lumpy crust and no one likes that.
• Bake the crust at 375 for about 5 minutes or until golden. Times will vary.
• While the crust cools, begin making your filling: Combine the package of pudding with the Chocolate and Strawberry Nesquik.
• Slowly pour 1 1/2 cups of milk in, stirring all the while. If it seems a little dry once all the milk is in, then start adding the additional 1/4 of milk a dribble at a time. However, you are going to want this to be thick so I don't recommend a runny texture.
• Now gently fold in 1/2 cup of marshmallow fluff.
• Line the graham cracker crust with slices of fruit leather. How many you use will depend on how big the slices are for the brand you buy. It's okay if pieces overlap and hang over the edge of the pan. If you do not like the pieces hanging over the edge, then go ahead and trim them.
• Pour the filling into the pie pan. You have two options here: You can allow the pie to at least achieve a soft set, and then spread the remaining marshmallow fluff on the top OR you can go ahead and put the marshmallow fluff on top now. It will be more difficult to do if you do not let the pudding-based filling set but it is possible; especially if you don't mind messy dollops of the marshmallow fluff instead of a smooth meringue-like topping. Whichever option you choose, Internet Pie needs a minimum of two hours to set. Longer is better. (Maybe I should call it Dial-Up Pie! LMAO!)
• Finally -- and I recommend doing this after the pie is set -- take your Jolly Ranchers and (while they are still wrapped) place on a cutting board and cover with a clean kitchen towel. Use a mallet (or a particularly heavy can if you do not own a kitchen or even a regular hard rubber mallet) to crush the candies. Use these crushed candies to decorate the top of the pie. I like to use them as a thick, colorful ring around the outer edge of the pie. Then I arrange the Gummi Bears on the candy ring (obviously you can do any arrangement that you find aesthetically pleasing; this is just how I do it). Lastly, I sprinkle the orange zest all over the pie so that it looks like my couch after the kids been watching cartoons and eating Cheetos LOL!
• I like to serve this with a dollop of Aunt Bo's Comfort Sauce.
  

Aunt Bo's Comfort Sauce

Aunt Bo is the sauce maven in our family! Every time someone's gonna make a special cake or bring some homemade ice cream at a family potluck, Aunt Bo's right there with a big bottle of her special sauce. I don't know why she calls this one comfort sauce but she insisted I do too if I was gonna post it on the internets!

Ingredients
-- 2 lbs strawberries (stems removed, of course)
-- 4 oz citrus vodka (regular vodka is fine)
-- 6 tablespoons granulated sugar
-- 1 vanilla bean (or 1 tsp vanilla extract)

Directions

• In a small saucepan, combine the vodka, sugar, strawberries, and vanilla bean in a small sauce pan over medium heat. Please note: If you are using vanilla extract instead of a vanilla bean, then please reserve this ingredient until the end.
• Bring to a boil.
• Reduce heat to low and simmer, stirring occasionally. The strawberries will begin to break down. If you are using the vanilla extract, you would add it about now, right before the syrup begins to thicken.
• When it becomes a thick syrup, remove from heat and allow to cool before serving. It can be served warm, but I don't recommend serving it straight from the stove unless it's over ice cream.
• Optional: Aunt Bo always uses fresh strawberries but you could get away with using frozen strawberries or any other berry you enjoy, fresh or frozen. I have done this with frozen mixed berries, blackberries, and cherries with equally delicious results.
• Don't forget to serve this over your slice of Internet Pie!

Rustbelt Hummus

My sister-in-law is a health nut and likes to make this satisfying dip for when we watch our Steelers. Before you know it the whole fam damily is in there and it's all I can do to keep them from eating it straight out of the bowl with their hands! LOL! It reminds me of my cat at feedin' time!


Ingredients
* 12 slices bread
* 4 ounces peanut butter
* 3 ounces stone-ground Dijon mustard (or any other strong mustard will do)
* 2 tablespoons sugar
* 1/8 teaspoon salt
* 1 cup ranch dressing
* 1 large garlic clove
* 1 tablespoon olive oil

optional
* crudités

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375°F.
2. Warm peanut butter for about 1 minute in the microwave. You want it warm enough so that it will soften and be easy to mix, but not so hot that it melt.
3. Combine warm peanut butter with mustard, sugar, salt, and ranch dressing and stir until it is smooth. Refrigerate mixture.
4. Slice bread into triangles and arrange on a cookie sheet. Lightly coat with olive oil and then toast in oven until golden brown or until it has reach a desired crunchiness (I personally prefer a soft crunch).
5. As soon as the bread is done, cut the garlic clove in half and rub it all over the toast. Or you could skip this or use granulated garlic but I find the clove rub just tastes better.
6. Arrange toast points in an aesthetically pleasing manner on a decorative plate. (Your family will appreciate the extra effort!).
7. Serve dip with the toasted bread, fruit, vegetables, and/or taquitos.

Frickerchocmallow Crunch

It's kind of like what nachos would be like if they made them in Candy Land. My son Poe loves it with the spicy Fritos, dark choocolate, and chile flakes, but my daughter MK prefers it as written. I hope you enjoy it however you decide to make it! :D


Ingredients
* 10 ounces Fritos corn chips (optional — try this with the Flamin' Hot variety)
* 1 cup white sugar
* 1 cup light corn syrup
* 1 cup creamy peanut butter (optional — use chunky peanut butter or the nut butter or nut butter substitute of your choice, e.g. soy nut butter)
* 8 ounces milk chocolate chips (optional — use dark chocolate instead)
* 8 ounces marshmallows

Directions

1. Lightly grease a deep glass baking dish, then dump the bag of Fritos in it.
2. Combine corn syrup and sugar in a saucepan over medium heat.
3. When the super sugar mixture has come to a boil, remove from heat and stir in the peanut butter until smooth.
4. Dump the resulting mixture over the Fritos. Do not allow it to cool!
5. Spread chocolate chips in a thin layer over the hot mess so that it will melt more or less evenly.
6. Cover in marshmallows and place in a broiler set to "high" and allow to broil for 1-3 minutes or until the marshmallows are lightly browned. MONITOR CAREFULLY. You may set the broiler to "medium" if you're worried about accidentally burning, but do not at any point walk away. The fine line between "deliciously caramelized" and "horrifically burnt" is only a second wide.
7. Plate and serve in a dark room with the telly set to a reality show and your stomach leaden with shame. Add a scoop of vanilla ice cream for extra decadence.